Do you like your steak rare or stangy?

What's in a name?
I understand, to a point, when people write something down and then re-read it incorrectly. That recently happened to me when I was leaving my telephone number. It ends in a "1" but the person on the other end of the phone must have written something resembling a "7" and it took her about 4 attempts of me saying "one" to confirm the number was correct. At least she confirmed the right number and didn't presume she'd got it correct immediately. It was this same person who was put off by my use of the word convoluted. It reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where Elaine's on the subway on her way to a lesbian wedding:

Woman: I started riding these trains in the forties. Those days a man would give up their seat for a woman. Now we're liberated and we have to stand.
Elaine: It's ironic.
Woman: What's ironic?
Elaine: This, that we've come all this way, we have made all this progress,
but you know we've lost the little things, the niceties.
Woman: No, I mean what does 'ironic' mean?
Elaine: Oh...

After convoluted, she said "what?" and I used the word "complex" instead. It was far easier than getting into the definition of the word, and a synonym, incomplete as it was, had to be sufficient.

But the essence of today's shtick is that of a name. I recently made an online order. I used only forms on the company's website and used my full and proper name (I have the order confirmation email as exhibit A). There was a kerfuffle about my order which had nought to do with nomenclature - the order was shipped and the recipient (in the USA) had not alerted the right party that a package would arrive for me. This was promptly rectified and then the UPS parcel returned some days later, marked to the attention of GARY STANGY SLEZAK. I have never had a middle name and I have never really wanted one either. Furthermore, would I have chosen Stangy?
This hilarious oversight - or insertion - reminded me of the various spellings of my surname. The brief list as follows:
• Slick

• Slovak

• Sellick

• Sentak

• Slezac

• Sellak

• Selzak

• Slezzak
and my all-time favourite
• Steak

So, I understand errors and although 2 syllables my surname's potentially confusing. However, the creation of a name where none existed previously is rather bizarre. Thomas Putnam (whom Goody Proctor wished a fart upon) talked of his name being all he has, and cannot have another. Well, I am in the same boat - no middle name... ever. And no Steak as a surname too, please!

In other wordly news, I was at a meeting where the word chasm was used. It was a metaphor (i'm not into geology or tectonic movement at the moment) and quite the appropriate one in the context, but the learned person pronounced chasm with a "ch" as in "chase". It was hideous and reverberated in my head for hours. This reminds me of a line of Demetri Martin: I'm going to open a store called Chasm. We're going to be just like the Gap, but way bigger.

And here's today's Demetri quote, unrelated to any of the above:
I heard this guy say "Man, I need to get some R&R" I was like "Wow, this guy's tired. He doesn't even have the energy to say Est and Elaxation."

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